Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

BPOV


I laughed and ran across the parking lot toward the rental car as Edward growled and started chasing me like I was his prey. I got to the car ahead of him because he was weighed down with all our bags. I was leaning against the car, holding out the last bite of cookie as an olive branch and laughing when he came around to me. He dropped the bags on the top of the trunk and grabbed me around my waist in a tight squeeze, picking me up off the ground.


“Gotcha!” he announced. He spun me around in the empty parking space next to the car, making me screech. My breath hitched in fear for just a split second until I saw the laughter dancing in my Edward’s eyes as he laughed at me. “Now what? Are you going to share?”


I was suddenly overwhelmed at seeing my Edward laughing and being playful. I realized I had laughed and smiled more today than I had in the past few months combined, promptly bursting into tears at the thought. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in his neck, sobbing.


He stopped spinning suddenly and tried to set my feet on the ground but I just held tighter, refusing to have him let go of me. “Bella? Baby, what’s wrong? I’m sorry I scared you. I was just playing,” he said, panicking.


He gently pushed at my hips, trying to pry me away from him so he could see me, but I squeezed tighter and shook my head.


“Don’t let go,” I sobbed and buried my face further into him.


“I won’t,” he answered softly. I felt him hold me tighter and lean against the car. He was quiet and just let me cry. I could feel his hand gently rubbing my back as he waited for my sobs to subside.


I couldn’t explain what I was feeling to him. I just knew I needed to hold him and have him hold me right now. I felt bad that he thought he had scared or upset me, because he hadn’t, but I didn’t know how to tell him why I was crying. I was just… happy. For the first time in forever, I was actually happy, not afraid. I’d lived in fear for so long that I forgot what happy felt like. Even when it was just us girls at the house I wasn’t this happy. Those times were a different kind of happy; they were happy wrapped in acceptance and survival, always tinged with a feeling of hopelessness at my situation. Today was the most free I’d been since the accident. This was pure joy in the moment and the feeling was overwhelming. I heard the sound of a vehicle stop and felt Edward tense up.


“Is everything alright here? Ma’am, are you all right? Do you need any help?” a masculine voice asked. I heard footsteps approaching us.


“We’re fine, officer,” Edward answered tightly. “My fiancé is just a little upset.” I could hear the tension in his voice.


“Ma’am? I need to hear from you that everything is alright,” he said, ignoring Edward.


I sniffed and reluctantly let go of Edward, wiping my eyes. I looked up at Edward and saw the lines of tension around his mouth belying his calm façade. I looked into his eyes for a moment and ran my index finger along one of the creases to his jaw. I saw the slight flicker of fear in his eyes that he quickly hid as I turned to face the man waiting patiently for my answer. It was a police officer. I saw his car stopped with the engine still running and the door open. I saw the rifle propped against the seat just like it had been in Charlie’s car and shivered at the memory.


“Ma’am? Are you alright?” he asked again.


I looked back at the officer and gave him my best smile. “Yes sir. I’m fine, just a little emotional. That’s all.”


I saw him looking me over, I assumed, for marks or bruises to see if Edward had hurt me and maybe I was lying. I wondered briefly what his reaction would be if I just blurted out the truth. But what was the truth anymore? I could see the changes in Edward since arriving in Phoenix. I could feel them deep inside myself. I was coming out of hibernation and becoming myself again. Yes, my life wasn’t my own any longer. Yes, my choices had been stripped from me. Yes, I was still terrified of my future father-in-law. Yes, I was basically being held prisoner in my home.


But… today… today I was happy. I was happy with Edward. My Edward. My Edward, who took me for French toast. My Edward, who played checkers with me. My Edward, who apologized to me more than once on this trip. My Edward, who swore never to raise a hand to me again. My Edward, who held me when I cried at the cemetery and was gentle and kind to me. My Edward, who took me to the mall and let me buy whatever clothing I wanted, even if it was completely repulsive to him. I know. I tested him with a couple of outfits. They were really, really ugly. My Edward, who laughed and ate cookies with me and chased me in the parking lot, letting me feel normal again. To anyone on the outside these things would be so insignificant as to not even warrant notice. But to me, they were everything. They meant so much for what our future would hold.


So what was the truth? My life sucked, but maybe not as much? I felt happiness and hope now. I refused to give up this feeling. I’d fought long and hard to get to this feeling back and damn it, I earned it.


I stepped away from Edward toward the police officer that was still waiting for my answer. I heard Edward’s swift intake of breath. I felt his hands tighten instinctively at my hips before releasing me; letting his hands drop to his sides, helpless to stop me from moving away from him.


I stood in front of the officer close enough that he could see me clearly. “I promise I’m fine, Officer. I’m just feeling emotional because my - my fiancé,” I hoped he didn’t hear the hesitation in my voice as I called Edward my fiancé for the first time ever, “has been so sweet to me today. I was just overcome. I promise that’s all there is to it.” This was not how I wanted Edward to hear what today had meant to me, but there was nothing I could do about it now.


The officer looked me over one more time and stared at Edward a moment before deciding to believe me. “Alright then. I’m glad it’s nothing more serious.” He reached in his breast pocket and pulled out a business card handing it to me. “This is my card with my badge number and station phone number. You hang onto this and call if you ever need anything,” he said, looking at Edward again as he spoke.


I put his card in my purse and smiled. “Thank you. I promise I will.”


He nodded to me and smiled. “Alright young lady. Well, you folks have a good afternoon,” he said as he got back in his car and drove away.


I stood there a moment, watching the patrol car turn at the end of the isle, before turning back to Edward. I was unsure what or who I would be facing. I had no idea how Edward would react. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.


Edward had slid down the side of the car until he was squatting with his elbows propped on his knees, looking down with his fists tugging his hair. I could hear him breathing heavily as I walked to stand in front of him. I gently tugged his fists out of his hair and ran my fingers through it, soothing him the way I often did when we were quiet together at home. I felt him wrap his arms around my legs and pull me closer. I knew his fear. He feared I would take the opportunity and leave him. There would have been absolutely nothing he could have done to prevent it if I’d wanted to leave in that moment. A month ago, hell even a week ago, I would have dove through the open car door without a backwards glance.


“Edward,” I said softly. I felt him tighten his arms around my legs. “Edward, look at me please.”


I felt him shudder before he stood and wrapped me in his embrace again. “Bella, please don’t leave me,” he whispered brokenly into my hair. “I know it was wrong to make you promise, but please. Just please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.”


“Edward, please look at me,” I asked again.


He raised his head and stared intently into my eyes. For the first time I saw Esme’s lost son, the frightened little boy that was inside my Edward; the little boy who had his mother taken from him even though she was with him every day. Carlisle had destroyed Edward’s heart by denying him his mother’s love. With her love Edward would have never become the monster he created. I saw that now. Edward was just as broken and tortured as I was, only in a way, I was the lucky one. I was prisoner of my monsters for only a short time. Edward had been held prisoner by Carlisle for years. I brushed my fingers down the side of his face and leaned up to give him a gentle kiss.


“Edward, I’m still here,” I said softly. “This is what today, this trip, has meant to me. You’ve given me myself back and I feel normal for the first time in a long time. For the first time I’m hopeful for my future, our future. That’s why I was crying. Not because I was afraid of you, but because I wasn’t.” I smiled at him expressing all the joy and happiness I felt for him to see. “I’m happy Edward. I’m happy with you. I didn’t leave and I’m not going to. I’m willing to give us time.” I leaned in and hugged him tightly. “Does that make any sense?”


Edward wrapped me tightly in his arms as he struggled against his fears. “God, Bella I love you so much”, he shuddered. “It scares me, the thought of ever losing you. I can’t lose you. I’ll do anything to keep you with me.” He hated feeling weak or a lack of control of everything around him. Trust was a foreign concept to him.


I knew we had a lot to talk about and a mall parking lot was not the place to do this. “Edward, let’s go back to the hotel ok?” I suggested. “We can talk there.”


He took a deep breath before releasing me to cup my face in his hands. He leaned down to give me a sweet gentle kiss. “Thank you for not leaving me,” he whispered against my lips.


I smiled up to him in response. “Thank you for giving me the reasons to stay.”

75 comments:

  1. yay!! so happy to see this chapter up!!! Can't wait for more!! :)

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  2. I loved that last line, it was perfect! I can't wait for the next chapter. I just love this story, it's great! =0)

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  3. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story - this is where I was up to before it was taken down @ ff.net. Thanks for reposting it here. Eagerly waiting for more!!

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  4. Hey, happy to see the story back on track :)

    Sam

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  5. Love the story
    Love the last line
    Love that its posted here...
    :)

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  6. Yes, I'm so glad to see it's all up-to-date now, I felt a little hollowing to my heart when I saw this was no longer on ff, sigh. Well, I'm glad to see it's still somewhere! I love this story so much so... I'll be awaiting an update soon I hope!

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  7. any idea when the next chapter will be up? :)

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  8. OMG THIS WAS SOO GOOD! I'M SO PROUD E IS FINALLY LETTING THE WALLS DOWN

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  9. Man this chapter is still my favorite. I am looking forward to reading on. I know I have said it scads of timess before, but I love this fic. You encompass so much, so many emotions it's amazing beyond words.
    Till your next chapter!
    ~Jessi C.

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  10. I'M SO HAPPY! Caught up now!! Been needing my 'Perfect Wife' fix.

    You are doing such a great job with Bella and Edward facing the truth and working on what love should be.

    KUDOS, KUDOS, KUDOS! Can't wait for more.

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  11. Glad that you re posted it went on to find it today and it wasn't there

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  12. Hi Mic! So glad this is back up and you're continuing with the story.

    This chapter still leaves me breathless. Looking forward to the next update!

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  13. I'm rally glad that you're continuing with the story.

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  14. wow u work really fast.... kudos to u

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  15. I wonder how they are going to handle things when they are back in Forks, with Carlisle around.

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  16. I really can't wait until the whole family takes Carlisle down...he is really outnumbered now

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  17. This was such a beautiful chapter! I'm glad you've finally got your entire story up. Must be a relief. I can hardly wait for your next chapter.

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  18. It's nice seeing Edward with a playful side.
    I really hope everything turns out well for them, and I hope that the house Edward is having built gets finished ASAP.
    I wish they didn't have to back to Forks and they could stay away from Carlisle, but I think it's pretty safe to assume that Carlisle would go after them if they decided to stay in Phoenix.

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  19. hey, im glad u were able to finally able to upload this story i was gutted than fanfic took it down. Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work!!! xx

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  20. i'm so glad this is back up! i love this story so much

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  21. hey, youre story is great, even if i had thought sometimes I have to barf right on my monitor. You prmised a happy end, for me a happy end would be that everyone of the cullen guys stuck in prison till they die. If Edward and Bella stay together, would be sick. But I can understand if you do so. But this is up to you, I hope you post a new chapter soon.

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  22. There is hope for our precious Edward!

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  23. I am so mad that FF pulled the story. It was a great story and if they took the time the read it instead of probably just reading the first 15 chapters (or more) than they would've seen that this story is awesome and that it also has a great purpose and plot. Well, I guess I will have to check up every week for an update, but I don't mind because I will always love this story!!

    x0xfantasyxxdreamerx0x

    Chelsea

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  24. I love it. I can't wait for the next chapter.

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  25. Oh thank god. I was wondering where your story went and i was having a major fit. Thank you for continuing to post this awesome story :)

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  26. I'm so glad that Edward is coming along fine. Such a change! Thank you for posting this chapter. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

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  27. EeeK!! I'm so excited for the next chapter to be posted! Please don't keep us waiting too long! I first read your one-shots at FF (Bella's Nightmare and A Mothers Love) and after reading those, I just had to read this story! It is so unbelievably moving! I really hope Bella's Edward wins over Carlisles. Bella deserves so much happiness after all she has been through. Thank you for writing such an amazing story! Keep it up!

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  28. Thats the last chapter I read back there in FF!! Well Im happy because Edward is trying so hard for Bella to be an amazing fiance, and he is showing her the real Edward. But Im scare of what gonna happen now that their heading back home with Carlisle...

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  29. Oh please update soon! I've really enjoyed re-reading but I want to find out what happens next!! :)

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  30. Oh, thank god you are back...I can't believe Fan Fic tossed the story. There are other content in other stories that were much much worse. I am so glad we have somewhere to read it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so looking forward to the next chapter!

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  31. Awesome story! Just starting to look up again!
    I can't wait for more, you're an amazing writer!
    Luck!!

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  32. Now I've read your hole story. At first I wasn't sure if I like to read your story till the end, but now I can't wait for the next chapter. It is very cruel at the beginning, but to see the change in Edward's behaviour ...
    I hope you will continue the story as soon as possible ;-)

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  33. love cant wait for more please uipdate oon

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  34. I love this story ,
    can't wait for the new chapter : )
    thanks for not stoping !

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  35. Another amazing chapter. I haven't mentioned it before, but I really love the little flashbacks you keep throwing in. The scenes of Bella's attempted escapes and various situations with Edward really bring home the traumatic life she is being forced to live.

    And that brings me to this chapter. Given all of that, the gesture she makes to Edward in NOT escaping with the polic officer speaks volumes. And Edward releasing her from his grasp (even though he couldn't have stopped her anyway) was significant as well.

    He has come so far, and her recognition of that - so very touching...

    My biggest worry at this point is what will happen when they return to Carlisle. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that Carlisle may decide to "prune the branches" of the family and simply destroy both Bella and Edward? He is so bloody evil, he truly terrifies me.

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  36. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

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  37. I am extremly eager to read the next chapter!!!
    Please update soon! VERY soon!!!

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  38. I can't wait for chapter 38! I love this story and I love it even more now that Edward is turning around. <3

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  39. I am so hooked on this story I catch myself looking almost every day to see if you updated yet.


    I CAN"T GET OVER THIS STORY!!!

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  40. Please update, I am checking every day!

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  41. Too bad this story got pull from FF, but im glad to hear that you're not giving up.
    distinctlyforbidden

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  42. Please please please update soooooon. I am obsessed! I love your story and your writing syle, it is very good! please continue to update. :D

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  43. I am so happy that you got this back up. I can't wait for an update. Thanks for posting Renee's POV. I had read all the chptrs all ready posted, so RPOV was something new for me to read.
    I just wanted to ask, if Renee and Phil had evreything set up for Bella in the event of their deaths, how did she end up with Charlie?

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  44. cant wait for an update! I love this story, in all it's twisted glory

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  45. I´m so happy about this last chapter! i think i read it like 5 times! haha!
    I CAN´T wait for next chapter!!! i´m so anxious over this!

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  46. I can hardly wait until the next chapter comes out! It's so unfair that ff.net took it down! I'll be checking back often for the next chapter!

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  47. Dying for the next chapter doll! Do you know if there is something I can click to get alerts for when you post a new entries?

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  48. Loved this chapter! Does anyone know when the next chapter will be up?

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  49. i am so glad that you put up the chapter that was lost from ff.. this story is really good.. i cant wait to read the next chapter how long before it is up? please hurry and put next...

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  50. this is a great chapter !!!!love this story!!!!!

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  51. Can't wait until the next chapter!

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  52. They are finally behaving like a normal couple. And the trust she showed Edward when the policeman was there should go a long way towards soothing his fears. Still not sure what returning to Forks will bring, but as someone already noted, Carlisle is badly outnumbered now - he just doesn't know it yet.

    I'm so glad you were finally able to bring the story up to date here. I too am anxious for the next chapter, but that's not what is important. Maybe now that the story is up to date her and the drama at ff is over, you'll have time to concentrate on what is important - taking care of your family, right? I know your hubby had surgery a while back, and I hope he is doing better now.

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  53. OMB those gay pansy ass whoring bitch motherfuckers! cocksucking slut bags!(sorry for the potty mouth it's just that I barely found out you story was taken off by those sick delusional pathetick two bit trash assmotherfuckers) it just sad tHat people have no life and they have to to around takin down other peoples love and passion for writing/reading a story

    I was wonderig why you hadn't updated in forever and then I looked at my alert list and it was gone and I was like noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
    It was horrible I love this story and I'm glad hat it's back
    And I hope your hubbu is ok ifyou don't live in Cali it's a good thing there's so much smoke from the fires around here I hope you don't live here it would only make The situation worse

    I really am glad I found this and I know people can e mean jeaslous mofoos but don't let that get ya down!

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  54. PLEASE UPDATE MORE ?!

    YOUR STORY IS AMAZING :)

    Really sad that those motherfuckers took off your story . . .

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  55. aww this chapter was so cute for once. i lovveee bella's edward. i hope he stays that way when they go back to Forks, but we all know he still has a lot to change - especially under the watchful eye of carlisle.
    and, uh, i totally didnt just cry. im just really overtired ;)

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  56. I really like this chapter. I hope you can update soon. I want to know which is going to be their plans to keep hide everything when their were back on Forks

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  57. I remember reading this chapter on FF.net and how emotional it made me. She made the choice to make reason of what started as a bad situation. I mean, there's more than that. I mean, the girl is really selfless and puts Faith in her situation. It was amazing and it's been amazing to read it again.
    This story is so deep and definitely not what I thought it to be. You've proven yourself to be a great writer and I'm proud to have read what this has become so far.
    Now that I've said that, Get your ass together and get the next chapter up! LMAO

    Jasline Denise Devereaux of Bewitched: The Sweetest Taboo

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  58. This story is great!
    It's very emotional, sad, scary and at times sweet, even in a twisted way.
    You have an amazing talent and should change names and get this published!!!
    Your writing is fantastic, I can't wait for more...
    Hurry!!!

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  59. I thought I was going crazy! I had this story as a favorite on my fanfiction.net account.

    I could find it because I was wonder why I hadn't seen an update, because this story is very intriguing!

    I'm so thankful I found your blog, I really want to finish Bella and Edward's journey in finding themselves.

    This is a beautifully written story.

    I'm for sure subscribing to your blog!

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  60. I love this story! I'm so glad you are able to continue it!

    Hoping for Updates!

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  61. I can not wait for the update! thank you so much for working so hard to get this blog up i appreciate it. I love this story desperately and have been reading it since the very beginning before you pulled it the first time (when Bella was 15 i think) You are a wonderful writter and this story is amazing.

    Thanks for Keeping it Alive for us!
    Esmi76

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  62. Oh, Lady. A friend gave me this link. Glad you soldier on through THE TRAVESTY of my finding "story not found", and WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU. Talk about "scapegoating! I have been your supporter ALWAYS! Hope your husband is doing okay. )))positive vibes your way((((((
    Love this redemptive story. I was amymorgan on FF...

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  63. oh my goshh I just found this today HaHa I thought you deleted the storyy but Im totally glad I looked at your profile or I never would have found it!

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  64. I hope she doesn't regret letting that police officer go. It still worries me; what's going to happen when they return home.

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  65. Loved the chapter. I'm so glad that Edward is giving them a chance. I really think he would have let her go if she wanted to. I'm glad I found this story again.

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  66. This is my favorite chapter by far!

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  67. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  68. es hermoso! ame este capitulo!! <3

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