Edward finally raised his lips from mine. His hand brushed my hair back from my face as he continued to gaze into my eyes. I stared back at him trying to make sense of what I was feeling. I knew it wasn’t love, but maybe it was ‘like’? I liked Edward. Well, this Edward.
“Are you ready to go, Bella?” he asked.
I didn’t want to go home yet. I wanted this night to last as long as possible. If we went home my first date would be over. I was greedy. I wanted more.
“Do we have to?” I whispered.
He smiled down at me before glancing at his watch. “No, I guess we don’t really. Would you like to go to Jasper’s club for a while?”
“Dancing?” I frowned. I had never been to a club before. I was 17, I wasn’t legal. Mom and Phil allowed me to go to school dances that they chaperoned. Well, forced is a better way of putting it. It just wasn’t my cup of tea. I knew the basics of dancing, but I wasn’t very good at it. “I don’t know,” I said carefully. Was I allowed to turn him down?
He frowned, “Is that a problem?”
I decided to be honest with him. “Well, I’m not a good dancer. I would only embarrass you.”
He gave me a brief kiss before staring intently into my eyes. “It isn’t possible for you to ever embarrass me, Bella. I am always proud to have you on my arm.”
I sighed, discontentedly. He always found little ways to remind me of his ownership. It was subconscious too-he didn’t even realize it. To remind me that everything was his decision ultimately. He would never be embarrassed by me because he would never allow me to do anything to embarrass him. I purposely pushed these thoughts away. This was my first date and I wouldn’t ruin it for myself by thinking about the reality of this situation. I would never have this night again so I was determined to make the best of it.
“Alright then, if you’re sure.” I agreed.
He grinned, kissing me again. We walked back to the car. I guess this could be counted as another one of my firsts. I was going to a nightclub. There, positive attitude.
We got to the club and it was packed. There was a line outside the door of people waiting to get in.
We walked past everyone and the bouncer held the door for us. He said ‘hello’ to Edward while looking me over. He leered and winked at me. “Hello, beautiful. Welcome to Voltera”
He made me uncomfortable. He reminded me of James. He was tall and his arms were huge. I guess a requirement for being a bouncer.
I was startled at Edward’s reaction. He actually growled at him. He pulled me closer to him. “Be very careful, Alec. She’s mine.”
“Sorry, Mr. Cullen. Just admiring, no harm done.” He didn’t look very contrite.
Edward guided me through the door past him. I knew he was upset and didn’t want to end my night with Carlisle’s Edward. I slipped my arm around his waist, glancing up at him. “Edward? It’s okay.” I assured him.
He didn’t speak until we reached the VIP section. There was always a table reserved for him and Emmett in case they came. He sat pulling me down into his lap. He kissed me forcefully. Carlisle’s Edward was trying to come back. I returned his kiss hoping he would change back into my Edward. He finally raised his head and held me close.
“Bella, it is not okay. He was rude and out of line. You’re not a piece of meat for a stray dog. You’re mine.” He stated.
I had to bite my tongue hard not to state the obvious back at him. I also wasn’t a piece of property or a toy. I was a person. I didn’t say it though. I wanted to enjoy my night, not end it in a punishment. I’m sure that comment would garner more than a scolding.
I was startled as a large hand slapped Edward on the back. I looked up into laughing blue eyes.
“Hey little brother. About time you took Bella out. I’m sure she’s bored to death hanging out in your room every night. It’s not like you do anything to keep her entertained…yet,” he laughed sitting down across from us.
Edward growled at Emmett. “Enough with the sex jokes already. It’s none of your business anyway.”
“Hey Bella. Good to see you.” He turned to me. “So is our Eddie-boy keeping you entertained tonight?”
“Hi Emmett,” I answered shyly. I had never actually spoken to him. He never spoke with Alice or me. He only talked with Carlisle, Jasper or Edward. “Yes, I’ve had a very nice time tonight.” I decided to distract him from ruining my night. “Where’s Rose?” I asked.
He leaned back in his chair signaling for a waitress to come over. “She’s on the floor with Alice,” he said pointing to the dance floor below.
I turned and looked through the sea of bodies and finally saw them. Wow. She and Alice were dancing together. It looked like fun. I watched for a moment and saw Rose look up toward our table. She smiled when she saw me and leaned to say something to Alice. She looked up and they both waved to me. I grinned and waved back. I watched them dance until the song ended. They left the floor heading to the stairs to meet us.
They arrived at the table as the waitress approached to take Emmett and Edward’s order. Emmett ordered Jack and Coke for him and a margarita for Rose. Alice told the waitress to bring her whatever Jasper thought was best. I assumed she and Jasper had something worked out when anyone in the family was here. Edward ordered scotch for him. He looked at me a moment before ordering me a margarita also. I guess he figured he could tell what kind of alcohol I would want to drink by looking at me. Asking certainly wouldn’t work I thought sarcastically.
I talked quietly with Rose and Alice while Edward and Emmett talked until our drinks arrived. I looked at my drink. I never actually had alcohol before other than wine, so had no idea what it would taste like. I looked at Rose. She smiled and mouthed ‘go ahead’.
I took a sip. It was funny tasting the salt on the rim. I never imagined salt being part of a drink before. Salt was for chips and fries. I decided I liked it.
“Come on Bella,” Edward said. I swallowed the last of my drink as he stood and set me on my feet pulling me down the stairs to the dance floor. I was nervous at first. I glanced at everyone else on the floor to try and figure out what I was supposed to do. I looked up at Edward as he pulled me against him.
“Close your eyes Bella,” he instructed. “Listen to the music.”
I closed my eyes and did as he said. I heard the beat of the music.
“Now do what your body tells you to,” he whispered against my ear. “Just feel.”
I felt Edward mold my body to his. I could feel the tempo of the music and hear my heartbeat in my head.
He began to move our bodies to the rhythm of the music. I moved with him. I kept my eyes closed as I slid my hands up his chest. I continued sliding my hands over his shoulders, up the back of his neck until they reached their destination. I raked my fingers up the back of his head through his hair. I loved the feeling of his hair through my fingers. I started to gain more confidence and my body began to move with less direction and more of its own volition. I opened my eyes to see Edward gazing down at me. His eyes were darker than before. I realized he was enjoying our dancing. The song ended and he reluctantly let go of me.
When we got back to our table there was a fresh round of drinks waiting. I took another drink. Alice and Rose asked Edward if I could go to the floor with them. I could tell he was about to say ‘no’ when Emmett interrupted.
“Ah come on Eddie-boy. Let her have some fun.” He pointed to the floor. “You can see her from here. I let Rose dance. Don’t be such a caveman.”
I looked at Edward. I didn’t want him to get mad. “It’s okay,” I shook my head. “I don’t have to.”
He sighed before pulling me to him. He gave me a brief kiss. “No, I want you to have fun tonight. Go ahead. I can see you,” he reminded me.
With Edward everything was about never letting me go. I was always on an invisible leash. Now that I came to think of it, our relationship was more similar to one between a dog and her owner rather than a husband and his wife.
“Come on Bella,” Rose said. She tugged my hand and I went with her and Alice.
“Are you having fun tonight?” Alice asked as we went down the stairs.
“Oh Alice, it’s been the best night,” I gushed. “Edward took me to dinner and a bookstore. We watched the sunset. It’s what I always dreamed a first date would be like. Minus about everything else. You know what I mean?”
“Of course I do. It’s the same with Emmett. It’s easier to forget the whole situation when you’re having a genuinely good time. You deserve happiness. So embrace it, honey,” Rose smiled.
“I hope he keeps it up,” Alice piped in.
“Now let’s rock this place,” Rose laughed. “Come on Bella, we’ll show you how it’s done. Just follow our lead.”
They led me to the center of the floor and sandwiched me between them. We ground our bodies against each other. I basically mirrored whatever they did. I was starting to really have fun. We continued to dance through several songs like this. I occasionally looked up where Edward was and sure enough he was always watching me. I was glad to see that he was smiling. I waved to him and playfully blew him a kiss. He laughed and reached out to catch it. I saw Emmett laugh at him and say something to him. I guess it wasn’t bad though because Edward just laughed back nodding his head.
Alice and Rose were finally ready to go back to the table. I was glad. I was hot and thirsty. I grabbed my drink as soon as we got to the table. I finished it in two gulps. I liked the slushy ice in the drink. I looked at Edward as I stuck out my tongue to lick the salt from around the rim.
“Mmmm.” I sat on his lap and gave him a kiss. “Thank you for bringing me here. I’m having a lot of fun.”
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. Emmett laughed. “Damn Eddie. I don’t think you’re going to make it to the wedding. You may need to rethink the date.”
The waitress brought more drinks and I quickly grabbed mine. I swallowed it and kissed Edward again. “Dance with me.” I said standing.
He grinned and led me to the floor. This time he didn’t need to instruct me. I was feeling really free. I turned my back to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me against him. As we moved to the beat I ground my hips against him. I could feel the effect I was having on him and it made me feel powerful. I continued to tease him and he began kissing my neck and shoulder. I leaned my head to the side to give him more access. I couldn’t believe how relaxed I felt. I never felt this relaxed in our bed.
We stayed on the floor through the next song never breaking apart. When it finally ended he led me off the floor. I surprised him by jumping on his back. He laughed and carried me piggyback to the table. I kissed on his neck as he walked. Everyone was laughing watching us as we came back to the table. I knew Rose and Alice were just glad to see me having fun. Edward put me down as he sat and pulled me back into his lap. I finished my fourth drink and rubbed my forehead. I felt a little lightheaded. I shook myself.
“Come on girls lets dancs so’mor,” I said. Huh, that came out weird.
Rose and Alice looked at me a little funny. I giggled and got up pulling them with me. “Bella, why don’t we go to the ladies room?” Alice asked me cautiously.
“Okay!” I said, “But then we dansh!” I was really feeling good. I had never felt like this before. It was a lot of fun.
Edward and Emmett were looking at me now too. “Alice maybe I should take Bella home now,” Edward said.
Emmett laughed. “She’ll be fine Edward. Let the girls take her to the bathroom.”
“Yeah Eddie-boy. Potty patrol coming through!” I yelled.
Rose and Alice quickly pulled me from the table. “Let’s go Bella,” Rose admonished me.
We got to the restroom and I ran into a stall. I didn’t realize how bad I needed to go. I felt a little dizzy when I stood up. I rubbed my forehead again.
I came out of the stall and Rose pulled me to the sink. Alice had a damp paper towel and started wiping my neck and cheeks.
“Bella I think you’re drunk,” Alice laughed.
“Yeah, maybe you should just let Edward take you home now.” Rose was concerned too.
“No!” I huffed. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m havin’ fun. I don’t wanna go. I wanna dansh. I ne’er get ta have fun anymore. I hate barbies. I didn’t even like em when I had em.”
I threw my arms around both of them, “Please,” I whined. “Don’ make me go.” I held up a finger in front of my face. “One more dansh and I promise I’ll go.”
They looked at each other. Rose shrugged at Alice. “We’re with her so she can’t get into any trouble.”
Alice looked at me, “Okay, Bella. One dance and then you let Edward take you home.”
“Pinky swear promise!” I turned and ran from the restroom ahead of them.
I giggled and kept going. I got to the floor without them and started dancing. I moved to the beat and spun. I stumbled into someone. I didn’t even bother looking. I knew it would be Edward. He was always there. I kept my eyes closed as I molded my body against him and danced. I ground my hips against him. I felt hands on my hips and a deep voice chuckle. “Hey beautiful. Having fun?”
I vaguely realized that the voice sounded different. I looked up into a pair of dark brown eyes. That was odd. Edward’s eyes weren’t brown. They were emerald green. As the rest of my brain came into focus I realized why the eyes were different. This wasn’t Edward. I didn’t know who this was. I panicked. I tried to pull away and he tightened his hold on me. “Don’t go yet, gorgeous. Trust me you’re better off right here,” he laughed. He looked over my head. “Lose something Edward?”
I cringed. I was so afraid of turning around.
“Yeah, thanks Jacob.” I heard his velvet voice filled with tension. “Can I have her back now?”
I looked up at this person. He was very tall. He had russet colored skin and long black hair pulled back in a ponytail. He and Edward seemed to know each other.
He laughed setting me away from him. “You owe me. You almost had a problem tonight. I didn’t realize I’d have to work tonight when I got here.”
Edward gently pulled me to him wrapping his arms protectively around me. He kissed my neck. “I appreciate it. I wasn’t looking forward to bashing any heads tonight. I’m glad you were here.”
“I had to redirect a few men who were a little too eager to dance with her. She really is a beauty. Would have never pegged her for Charlie’s daughter if I hadn’t seen her picture before.”
“Well, just send me the bill,” Edward told him.
“Nah, this one is on the house. I didn’t have to do too much and I got a dance out of it. We’ll call it even,” he chuckled looking me over.
“Jacob,” Edward warned.
He held his hands up in surrender. “I know she’s yours. We’ve got no problems Edward.”
I watched Jacob walk away. I turned in Edward’s arms. I looked into his eyes. They were dark. I could tell he was upset with me but trying not to show it. I decided to take advantage of this. I wrapped my arms around him.
“Dansh with me,” I pleaded.
He stared down at me warring with himself. “One dance then we’re going home.”
I nodded and molded my body to him. I forgot everything else and started to just feel again. I vaguely realized the song ended but instead of stopping he kept dancing. I was so glad. I really was having the best night ever. Well, the best night since I arrived in hell.
When we finally left the floor we went back to the table to say ‘goodbye’ to everyone. I downed the last of my fifth drink that was on the table.
Alice and Rose hugged me. “Bella, you scared us. You always stay with someone in the family here. You never go out on the floor alone. It only causes trouble. You were lucky tonight.”
Emmett stood and pulled me into a bear hug. I squealed and he just laughed it off. “We’ll have to get Eddie to bring you more often. You’re a lot of fun when you’ve been drinking Bella. You can hold a decent amount considering how little you are,” he was studying me, a calculating look on his face. “Perhaps a match of Beirut is in order?” He eyes were twinkling, brightly at his suggestion.
“Emmett that’s enough,” he growled. “Next time I think I’ll order only wine for her. Alice, tell Jasper I’m sorry we didn’t get to see him tonight. Goodnight ladies.”
I stumbled as we left the club. My head was really starting to feel fuzzy. Edward held me close to keep me from falling.
I threw my arms around him when he opened the car door for me to get in. I held his face with both hands and pulled him down to me. I squinted at his face. I wanted to see if I could tell which Edward was still with me.
“Bella, we really need to get you home,” he frowned at me.
I watched as Bella left with Alice and Rosalie. I needed to take her home when she came back from the ladies room. She was definitely feeling the alcohol.
“Edward, don’t worry so much,” Emmett said. “She’s with the Rose and Alice. They won’t let anything happen to her.”
I sighed and nodded my head. “I know Em. I just hate when she’s out of my sight,” I admitted.
He laughed, “Well then how do you handle it everyday when you drop her off at school?”
“She’s in school. What can happen?” I asked. She was safe there. I didn’t need to worry.
“Edward, do you remember being a hormonal teenage boy? Have you looked at your Bella lately?” he laughed. He gestured with his hand taking in the dance floor. “You think we turn into horny men after high school?”
I frowned before tossing back my drink. “What are you saying? I should pull her out of school?”
“No, Edward,” he shook his head at me. “God for someone so smart, you’re so clueless where women are concerned. I’m saying lighten up. She deals with horny teenager’s everyday at school so I’m sure she can handle a few horny men here as well. You don’t see me freaking out every time Rose leaves my side. I know she loves me so I don’t have anything to worry about. Jasper’s busy running the club and you don’t see Alice locked in his office for the night.”
“Yeah, well that’s just it, isn’t it? You know Rosalie loves you. Jasper knows Alice loves him.”
He looked at me curiously, “Are you saying Bella doesn’t love you?”
I sighed and shoved my glass away, “No she doesn’t. I keep telling her that I love her and she won’t say it back. I want her love, damn it!”
“Well then by all means demand it from her Edward,” Emmett said sarcastically. “After all you’ve done so much to earn it from her.”
I looked at my brother in confusion. “What does that mean?”
“Do you remember what I told you about my Rosie? I had to earn her love. She didn’t just give it to me. It wouldn’t mean anything if she just said it without meaning it.”
I leaned against the table, “So how do I earn it?”
He took a drink before answering me, “Well, tonight is certainly a good step. You finally let her out of your damn room. You realize the only thing she gets to do is go to school. Hell what kind of fun is that? Give the kid a break Eddie. She’s 17, she needs more than school and rolling around in the bed with you to fall in love. Just keep showing her you love her. It’ll happen. Look at her tonight. She’s laughing and having fun, with you… well and Rose and Alice too. That always helps.”
I thought about what he said. Bella was having fun. Of course a lot of that could be contributed to the amount of alcohol she drank. But he was right, she seemed to be having a good time. I made her laugh. Her eyes sparkled earlier tonight when I surprised her with the bookstore. I’m glad I listened to Alice’s advice. Emmett had a point too.
“So I guess we’re going on more dates then,” I acknowledged to him.
“If you want her to say those words and mean them? Then yeah. But it’s not just the dates. It’s everything. You need to show her what’s to love.” He leaned back in his chair patting his chest. He winked and grinned at me, “Just like I showed Rosie how much fun it is to love a teddy bear.”
I laughed and shook my head at him, “Emmett, you’re impossible. I swear if Carlisle hadn’t bought Rosalie for you, no one else would put up with you.”
I was surprised to see the look of pain cross his face. He looked down at the dance floor. “Yeah I know. I just wish I’d done it differently in the beginning. It would have saved her a lot of pain.”
Before I could respond he gestured to the floor, “Edward, you got a problem.”
I looked where he was pointing. I saw red. My Bella was dancing by herself on the floor. Alice and Rose were trying to get to her. I could see men watching her. I jumped up and ran down the stairs. So help me if another man touches her there will be hell to pay.
I shoved my way through everyone dancing to get to her. I saw her from a distant throw her arms around someone. Her eyes were closed as she ground her pelvis into them. Someone was going to die if they didn’t get their hands off my Bella immediately. As I got to them they turned enough that I could see the man she was with. I sighed in relief. It was Jacob. Outside of my family he was the only other man I would ever trust with my Bella. He was loyal to my family to a fault.
He saw me and grinned. He said something to Bella and I saw her open her eyes. She looked confused and then afraid. She tried to back away and I was grateful that Jacob held on to her. I didn’t want to have to deal with anyone else trying to take advantage of her.
He looked over her to me as I got to them. He grinned. “Lose something Edward?”
“Yeah, thanks Jacob. Can I have her back now?” Even though I knew she was safe with him I didn’t like seeing her in another man’s arms. Bella was looking at him closely. She was never supposed to meet Jacob. She didn’t know she was in the arms of a killer; the man I paid to kill Charlie, James and Paul.
He laughed pushing her gently toward me. “You owe me. You almost had a problem tonight. I didn’t realize I’d have to work tonight when I got here.”
I held Bella close to me and kissed her neck. It reassured me to have her in my arms again. “I appreciate it. I wasn’t looking forward to bashing any heads tonight. I’m glad you were here,” I told him. I owed him for this tonight. It was a relief knowing that I wouldn’t ruin Bella’s night.
“I had to redirect a few men who were a little too eager to dance with her. She really is a beauty. Would have never pegged her for Charlie’s daughter though if I hadn’t seen a picture of her before.”
“Well, just send me the bill,” I told him. I didn’t want him to say anything more in case Bella got curious.
“Nah, this one is on the house. I didn’t have to do too much and I got a dance out of it. We’ll call it even,” he chuckled. He was eyeing her appreciatively. Any other man I would have ripped their throat out for looking at her like that. Jacob I trusted with my life and therefore Bella’s life as well, but I still didn’t like it.
“Jacob,” I warned.
He held his hands up in surrender. “I know she’s yours. We’ve got no problems Edward.”
I watched Jacob walk away. Bella turned in my arms. She was looking into my eyes. I didn’t want her to know I was upset and tried to hide it from her. I refused to ruin her first date. I smiled when she wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Dansh with me,” she pleaded.
I stared down at my beautiful Bella. I really needed to get her home but I couldn’t deny her. “One dance then we’re going home.”
She molded her body to me. I held her close as we danced. I enjoyed holding her in my arms. I finally took her to say ‘goodbye’ to everyone. She grabbed her drink and finished it before I could stop her. I shook my head. I would need to pay more attention to how much she drank in the future.
Alice and Rose hugged her and reprimanded her. “Bella, you scared us. You always stay with someone in the family here. You never go out on the floor alone. It only causes trouble. You were lucky tonight.”
Emmett stood and pulled her into a bear hug. “We’ll have to get Eddie to bring you more often. You’re a lot of fun when you’ve been drinking Bella. You can hold a decent amount considering how little you are…” Oh no, Emmett was cooking up an idea. I could tell. “Perhaps a match of Beirut is in order?”
“Emmett that’s enough,” I growled. “Next time I’ll order only wine for her. Alice, tell Jasper I’m sorry we didn’t get to see him tonight. Goodnight ladies.”
She stumbled and I could tell the alcohol was really getting to her. I held her close to keep her from falling. She put her arms around my neck as I opened the car door to put her in. She reached up and held my face with both hands and pulled me down closer to her. I could smell the sweat and alcohol coming from her. She was squinting at me trying to focus her vision.
“Bella, we really need to get you home,” I frowned. I was disgusted with myself that I allowed her to get this way. I was only glad that nothing happened. Thanks to Jacob, I reminded myself.
We got home and I had to help her into the house. She fell asleep in the car and was having trouble walking now.
“Come on, Bella. Let’s get you upstairs and into the shower.” I said dryly. Why had I let her drink? She leaned into me as I opened the door.
“I wanna tell you a shecret,” she slurred. “Com ere.” She stood on tiptoes and whispered in my ear. “I like you a lot. Pleash don go away again.” She tried to step back swaying and held a finger to her lips. “Shh don’t tell Carlisle’s Edward. I don’t like him. I deee-test him. He’s mean. He hurts me.” She frowned.
I was startled by what she told me. I didn’t know how much of it was the alcohol talking and how much of it was what she really felt. Did she really see me as two people? Was she telling me that this was why she didn’t love me yet? She didn’t like part of me? I caused her pain? I started panicking. If only she wasn’t drunk I could ask her more. I’d finally be able to unlock the secret to gaining her love.
I carried her upstairs to our bedroom, not trusting her on the stairs, and set her on the bed. She smiled up at me, and her face was angelic. Unexpectedly, she leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. She told me I was handsome. I sighed. If only she’d tell me that she loved me. While she was sitting on the side of the bed, I removed her heels, and rubbed her feet softly. She moaned and fell back onto the bed. This was going to be harder than I thought. Right now, all I could think about was all the different ways I could ravage her. Before I could act on that impulse, I walked into the bathroom to start the shower.
When I returned to the bedroom, Bella was lying on the bed in the position I’d left her with her eyes closed. I thought for a moment she had fallen asleep, but then she opened her eyes again. There was something indefinable in her eyes; it was almost as if they had darkened.
“Bella, love, let’s get you out of these clothes and into the shower.” I said as she sat up. I helped her out of her dress, and forced myself to stay on point. She looked so beautiful in just her under things. I decided to wait to take them off until we got into the bathroom. Having her naked on our bed would be testing the limits of my self control. I picked her up in my arms to carry her into the bathroom, and she began to kiss my neck. Bella rarely, if ever, initiated our sexual contact. It was like heaven to feel her do so now.
I set her down on her feet in the bathroom and kissed her hard. I’m sure she could feel my erection pressed into her stomach. She moaned softly when I pulled away, and I removed the rest of her clothes. Slowly, I helped her into the shower and watched in horror as she swayed. There was nothing for it; I would have to get in there with her. I quickly removed my own clothing and got into the shower behind her. The water glistening down her body made it very hard to concentrate as I held her up under the spray.
This wasn’t working, it wasn’t sobering her up – all it was doing was making me want her more. She finally put her head under the spray and I was going to pull her back when she grabbed for her shampoo. Well, at least she’s starting to think more rationally now. I helped her to wash and condition her hair. Now she smelled so much better. It wasn’t the smell of alcohol and sweat anymore; it was her smell of strawberries. She grabbed her body wash and put some in her hands. I almost lost all of my self-control as I watched her hands rub the wash over her wet, naked, and beautiful body. As she washed her breasts, her nipples hardened, and I forced back a moan. When her fingers trailed down between her legs, and she started washing there, something inside me snapped. I took down the shower head and rinsed her thoroughly. I turned off the shower and lifted her into my arms in nearly the same movement. Grabbing the towels, I headed into the bedroom.
I dried her hair and body gently, and then ran the towel over my own. She looked up at me and smirked. God, it was so sexy. “You missed a spot.” She said and then licked a drop of water off of my chest. I kissed her fiercely, and she pulled me back towards the bed. We fell onto it in a heap, and then she pulled herself up onto the pillows. I kissed and worshiped every inch of her before I came back up and kissed her lips. “Please, Edward…” She moaned softly, and I could not get over the change in her.
“What, love? Tell me what you desire.” I murmured in her ear. All of these things from Alice were starting to pay off. I wanted to know everything that her heart desired. I loved to see the smile and radiance that came from her happiness.
“Make love to me.” She said pulling my face back to hers again. I froze. This was the one thing that I wanted more than any other, but this is the one thing I couldn’t give her.
“Wha.. What?” I stammered. “Bella, love, you know we can’t until we’re married.” I said softly. God, how I wanted to do that very thing with her, right here, right now.
“You’re going to make me marry you anyway, what difference does it make?” She asked her brow creasing. I frowned. Is that how she thought of it, really? I was forcing her to marry me? I guess I was. I filed that thought for later reflection. “Please…” She pleaded, and my erection became nearly painful.
“Not tonight, Bella.” I said, trying not to let my voice crack. I couldn’t take advantage of her like this. “How about it we just make each other feel good?” I countered. She nodded, and I turned my body so that my head was towards the foot of the bed. I moved over her, straddling her shoulders and pulled her legs apart with my hands in the same instance. I knew I wouldn’t last very long, I was already over-excited. I felt her hands on my buttocks, pulling me down. I groaned as she slid me into her mouth. Not to disappoint, I pulled her open with my fingers and ran my tongue along her feeling her moan around me. I nearly came undone.
I used my hands to pull her legs farther apart as I teased her with my tongue. Her hips had already started to move, and I felt her gentle rhythm against my face. I slid two fingers into her, keeping with the rhythm she’d started. She reached back and stroked between my legs, and then my hips started to move as well. I couldn’t help it. I laid my head on her thigh and grunted in time with the movements of my hips as I slid in and out of her mouth. I felt rather than heard her deep moan, and I cried out as I exploded into her mouth. I panted for just a second where I was, and then moved quickly, turning my body so that I was the end of the bed and back to the task at hand – so to speak.
My fingers slid back into her as my tongue found its target once again. Her hips moved with abandon, and she was moaning, almost whimpering under my touch. I knew it wouldn’t be long. I decided to try something different since she was so receptive. It was something I’d been wanting to try for a while. As she tightened around me, and her hips came up off the bed I pulled my fingers out. She moaned in frustration. Slowly, I moved my wet fingers underneath her, and slid one into her rectum. Her response was immediate, but not the one I’d intended. She pulled back at once, and scrambled up to the top of the bed. Cowering against the headboard, she looked at me with clear and horrified eyes.
She pulled her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them, rocking. “Please… No…” she whispered over and over again. It was heartbreaking to watch her reaction to my touch. All I had wanted to do was please her, to excite her. What would cause her to react this way?
I tried to reach for her and she pulled away from me. She never pulled away. What was wrong with her? “Bella, baby?” I asked. This couldn’t just be from James’ attack in the kitchen. Everything we had done so far had not caused this kind of reaction from her. This felt like more.
She tucked her head down in her knees and put her hands over her head. “Please…just don’t touch me…I’m begging…” she shuddered.
I sat on the bed next to her, torn. I couldn’t not hold her, but I didn’t want to scare her even more than she obviously was. I needed to protect her.
“Baby, please-“ I begged, “just let me hold you. That’s all I want. Can I hold you?”
She looked up at me through her arms. I felt my heart rip at the haunted look in her eyes. She looked like a ghost. It was scaring me. She slowly unfolded herself and reached out to me. I pulled her into my arms and held her. She sobbed against my chest. “Please don’t be angry with me for pulling away. I just can’t-“
“Baby I’m not mad. I would never be mad at you for being afraid. Please just trust me. Tell me what’s wrong.” I coaxed her gently. If I could just gain her trust then her love was sure to follow. I knew this was important. I couldn’t fail in this with her.
She looked up at me and I could tell she was trying to decide whether or not to put her trust in me.
“Is this about James and Paul?” I asked gently. “When they attacked you?”
She shuddered remembering that time but slowly shook her head. “No,” she whispered so softly I could barely hear her.
“What is it Bella? You know you can tell me anything. I love you. Nothing can change that,” I reassured her.
She took a shuddering breath as she stared into my eyes. It felt like time stood still while I waited for her to give me her trust. “James. He raped me…from behind” she admitted.
It took me less than a minute to figure out what she was trying to tell me. Her reaction to me touching her this way. I wanted to rage against Carlisle for ever convincing me to let her be trained by Charlie and James. This was his fault. I wanted her from the moment I saw her picture. I never wanted her to be trained by them. I wanted her with me every minute of every day. I held her close. I couldn’t let go. I was infuriated, yet I needed Bella to be okay.
“I’m so sorry love. You should have never had to go through that. Please forgive me for letting them touch you. You should never have been violated.” I whispered against her hair. “I love you so much. I never wanted you hurt in any way. Forgive me, I’m so sorry.”
I realized suddenly that I had just uttered my first apology ever. I hadn’t even thought about it. Bella deserved my apology and so much more for what I had allowed to happen to her. If she was with me from the beginning she would never have a reason to feel anything other than safe.
She started crying again as I held her. I scrambled to remember my psychology from medical school; how to help a rape victim. I died a little more realizing I had to do this with my love. “Do you want to talk about it? It might help you to let it out. Tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. I won’t be angry and I won’t judge you. You’re safe with me. I promise you can trust me Bella. I won’t hurt you and I won’t allow you to be hurt ever again,” I assured her.
Bella finally fell asleep around 4am. She was curled against me sleeping soundly now. She had poured out everything that Charlie and James subjected her to. I thought about her hesitation when she was telling me. I felt there was still something she was withholding from me, something she didn’t trust me with yet. With everything she did tell me I felt confident that in time she would confide whatever else it was.
I was stunned into silence by everything she told me and how it made her feel. I knew what was done to train her for me, but to hear it come from her lips telling me this-it was just so different. It wasn’t an update, a progress report. It was a recollection of horrid nightmares. I felt humiliated and unworthy of her love. What was Carlisle thinking teaching us that this was acceptable? No wonder my brothers broke from his teachings. They loved their wives and the idea of letting another man do these things to them with their knowledge while they waited for the final results- I couldn’t complete the thought. It was too horrific. How had we never seen this? We were educated men and we never even questioned the practice before they came to us. I realized what Jasper and Emmett have been trying to tell me. Rosalie saved Emmett, Alice saved Jasper. As I looked down at the angel in my arms I realized that Bella would save me as well. She had to. I kissed her gently before closing my eyes. I was determined to be the man worthy of her love.