Chapter 44

a/n Would like to thank my wonderful friend and Beta, Lillie Cullen who worked her magic with this chapter!!

EPOV

I was thankful that there was no sign of Carlisle when we returned home. I didn't want anything to put a damper on our magical evening. We would have liked to have shared our news with Esme, but she had left a note for us that Rosalie wasn't feeling well and she'd gone to their house to see if she could help out.

I showed Bella the note, and a slow smile spread across her face as she realized we had the place to ourselves. No need to pretend, no need to be on edge. For tonight, it was just Edward and Bella. If just for one night, I wanted my fiancée to feel at home. It felt good to be able to call her that at long last. I hesitated for a moment, not sure I wanted to let her know I was in on this particular secret of hers and my mother's, but ultimately decided that it was worth it. I wanted her to know that I knew her secrets and I was okay with it. I only wanted her happiness.

I grinned wickedly and opened the freezer, digging for the tub of ice cream I knew would be hidden in the back. Bella's jaw dropped open, but I didn't give her a chance to ask as I grabbed two spoons, took her by the hand, and dragged her laughing into the living room.

We unceremoniously plopped onto the sofa, and I put some random movie on the TV, then pulled her shoes off and put her feet squarely on the coffee table. I followed suit, then threw a blanket over our laps before cracking open the ice cream. I scooped a big spoonful and held it up to Bella's mouth. She eyed it hesitantly and then looked back at me, checking to make sure I wasn't setting her up, I assume, before she closed her eyes and opened her mouth to accept my offering. Something about the expression on her face went straight to my cock. I delicately placed the spoon in her mouth. My breath caught in my throat when I watched her pretty, pink tongue curl under the spoon before her perfect lips enveloped the spoon. Bella moaned and I had to adjust myself beneath the blanket.

I watched enraptured as Bella savored the treat, her throat rippling erotically when she swallowed. When she opened her eyes, there was a fire there I wasn't sure I'd ever seen before. Bella took the ice cream and spoon from me, and then got up to straddle my legs before feeding me a bite of my own. I couldn't tell you if the moan that escaped from my chest was from the ice cream or from Bella's close proximity and intimate position. Bella shocked me when she bent her head down and licked a little ice cream that hadn't quite made it in my mouth.

I buried one hand in her hair and pulled her hips to me with the other, turning her teasing into a scorching kiss. It was so different than our kisses in the beginning, where it was all about me taking and her submitting against her will. Now I could feel her active participation, her passion. She was enjoying it, maybe even as much as I was. I could only hope.

I struggled with my self-control, my hands finding their way under her blouse to caress the creamy skin on the small of her back. Bella responded by grinding against me. There was absolutely no sign of 'Bella Barbie' anywhere to be found. This was Bella, my Bella, actually wanting me, and taking charge, showing me with her every movement that she desired me. I slid my hands under her bottom and squeezed her cheeks, pulling her closer, thrusting against her to show her I desired her just as much.

Bella gasped and stilled her movements. I pulled back from the kiss to look in her eyes, my hands flying to hold her face. Had I gone too far? Had I scared her? I breathed a sigh of relief when her hooded eyes told me I did not. She pushed my head into the back of the couch with the force of her kiss and I was lost. Bella's lips traveled along my jaw line, pausing to nibble on my ear before blazing a trail down my neck. Her soft tongue swirled around the hollow of my throat. I closed my eyes and moaned, running my fingers through her hair.

I quickly stood pulling Bella up with me. She wrapped her legs around my waist, burying her face in my neck. I could feel her playful nibbles on my neck as I climbed the stairs to our room; all thoughts of movies and ice cream long since forgotten. I kicked the door shut behind us and carried her into the bedroom.

I placed her on the bed laying on top of her as our lips fused together in another scorching kiss. We rolled until Bella was lying on top of me. I rubbed my hands down her waist to cup her firm bottom as I gently sucked against her collarbone with my lips.

She slid her body against mine as she kissed my neck and continued lower, sliding onto her knees between my legs, unbuttoning the top two buttons on my shirt and kissing and licking the newly exposed flesh. Soon she had unbuttoned my shirt completely, her fingers running up and down my chest, her nails skimming over my nipples, causing me to hiss with need.

When Bella began undoing my belt, it was my turn to panic. I stilled her hands. "Bella, no," I whispered, hoping it didn't sound like a command. She looked confused, maybe even hurt. "I don't want you to feel as though you have to do... that." The confusion melted away and was quickly replaced with what can only be described as a wicked grin.

"I know I don't have to, Edward. I want to." Bella swatted away my hands away. I lifted my hips to help her remove my slacks and boxers, then grabbed a couple of decorative pillows and held on to them for dear life. If she wanted to do this for me, then I would let her. I'm no fool after all, I know the pleasures Bella can bring me this way. But I was determined to be a passive participant. I would not hold her head, grab her hair or guide her strokes. And I most certainly would not thrust into her mouth, no matter how much I wanted to.

Those thoughts almost became a mantra, repeated over and over in my mind as Bella took me into her mouth and began working me. I thought I knew what this experience would feel like before. I had no idea the difference love would make. The way Bella lovingly caressed my balls; teased me by taking just the head between her lips and flicking her tongue around it, drove me absolutely mad. My neck muscles were so tight they felt like they would snap at any moment. "Bella! Oh God!" I grunted, turning my head to the side and snapping my eyes shut as she continued torturing me in the most exquisite way possible.

I felt her smile around my cock and I couldn't help but look down at her, only to find her looking up at me. She was smiling, obviously happy at the reactions she was getting. I was almost stunned to find she was truly enjoying this. Bella took that moment to thrust her head downwards, taking all of me in, until I felt my cock bounce against the back of her throat. I arched my back, struggling more than ever to keep still, and Bella hummed a chuckle which rippled over my sensitive flesh. "Sweet Jesus!" How had I ever been content with just having her service me against her will? Bella had shown me how much I was missing emotionally, and now she was showing me how much I had been missing physically, how much more wonderful physical pleasure could be between two people who loved one another and wanted to share their love this way.

Bella soon found a rhythm she was happy with, moving her hands in sequence with her mouth, flicking her tongue around the tip and scraping the underside lightly with her teeth. I felt myself swelling and knew I wasn't going to last much longer. I wasn't sure what to do. Do I stop her? Do I warn her? Would she want to continue, to swallow? I could no longer make such assumptions.

I opened my mouth to speak when Bella pulled away, a slight smirk on her face because she knew as well as I did how close I was to coming undone. She slithered back up my body, kissing me again.

"You like that," she said confidently before kissing me, licking my lip. I opened my mouth to her and she took control of the kiss, deepening it, tugging at my hair as she did.

"You are wearing entirely too much clothes. I want to see you. Touch you. Taste you. Will you let me?" Bella nodded and I slowly removed each article of clothing, worshipping every square inch of her body as I went. I guided Bella down so her head was resting on the pillows and positioned myself between her legs. I bent down and placed a chaste kiss on her soft, pink nether lips. Silently, I prayed to God for forgiveness for all the injustices Bella's body and soul had suffered and thanked the heavens that Bella still saw it fit to share herself with me in this way.

I took a deep breath, taking in the heady smell of her arousal. She smelled so good, it was intoxicating. I reached out and tasted her with my tongue, swirling it around her clit while I teased her entrance with my finger. I pleasured her slowly, dragging it out as she did me, pleased when she had no problems thrusting her hips towards my mouth, grabbing my hair and begging me for more, which I gladly provided.

It took a while for her to orgasm, but I was relentless and when she came, moaning my name, I lapped up every last bit of her juices, stretching out her pleasure for as long as possible until she tugged at my hair, urging me upwards. I kissed her thigh, then her soft stomach, and the sweet expanse between her breasts, before shifting to the side, prepared to take her in my arms and cuddle her until we fell asleep.

Bella had other ideas. She tugged at my arm, clearly wanting me on top of her, but I couldn't do that. If my cock, hard again and throbbing almost painfully, were to come anywhere near her sweet apex, my self-control would shatter like eggshells. I kissed the soft spot below her ear and squeezed her to me, but didn't budge.

"Bella," I whispered to her. "I can't. I won't be able to stop if we go any further."

Bella turned to me and kissed my lips. "I don't want you to," she whispered back. I pulled back to look in her eyes. She was biting her lip, trembling slightly, and her eyes were no longer fierce. It wasn't lust clouding them over, it was love. Pure, sweet love.

"Are you sure, Bella? We don't have to do this if you're not ready," I reminded her. It had to be her choice, her desire.

"I'm sure, Edward. I love you, and I know now that you love me, too. I want to share this with you. I'm ready now." The tears welled in her eyes, and mine as well, as I shifted and settled myself between her legs, kissing and caressing her gently for a long time before lining myself up at her entrance.

"This is going to hurt at first, my love, but I promise I'll make you feel good." Bella nodded and I entered her slowly, groaning from the feeling of her wet, velvety warmth surrounding me. When I reached her barrier, I paused, wrapping my arms around her tight. "I love you," I whispered in her ear before thrusting forward, breaking through her barrier and fully sheathing myself inside her. Bella couldn't hold back the 'Oh!' as the pain swept through her. I held still, caressing her hair, trying to soothe her, whispering over and over how much I loved her. When the trembles subsided, Bella kissed my cheek.

"I love you, too. I'm okay now."

"You're sure?" Bella nodded and moved her hips to show me she meant it.

Slow strokes.

Gentle strokes.

Loving strokes.

This was not sex. This was on an entirely different plane from sex. This was the sweetest, most spiritual moment of my entire life. Bella and I were truly one. We took our time, exploring this feeling, how the slightest of movements altered and heightened each sensation. The heat built slowly. After a while, Bella wrapped her legs around my waist, allowing me to hit that spot deep inside her that ignited our passions. Her muscles clamped around me, forming an even tighter hold and I couldn't hold back any longer.

The speed of my thrusts increased and I reached between us to massage her clit, hating the space between any portion of our bodies at that moment, but wanting, needing, Bella to come with me. We tumbled over the edge together, clinging to one another for dear life as our orgasms overtook us.

When we had caught our breath, I moved to my side, bringing her along with me. We stayed joined, not wanting to lose that connection. I pushed her sweat drenched hair back from her beautiful face and kissed her eyelids, her nose, and her chin before kissing her goodnight and telling her once more how much I loved and adored her. I had never slept so good as I did that night.